Keeping On

Ironically, I have just survived a few of the most tension filled days of my life. Sadly it is not the sort of tension that I want to embrace. And frankly, it is really hard right now to see God's hand at work in the tension that surrounds me. There is tension within my family and tension within my church. Although I am torn up inside about both situations, I think that I have some sense of peace about both situations. Or maybe I just want to think that I am trusting God to handle both situations. One of the hardest things to do is to trust God. I think that is a true statement for everyone. But I know that is a true statement for me. An absolute, if you will. I generally feel like I can handle most circumstances that come my way. I trust my ability to deal with life's curveballs, hardballs, and changeups. But this week I feel like I keep getting beaned by the pitcher. It's not that I have struck out -- I simply feel that I have been hit in the head, or maybe three feet lower, and I don't even know if I can walk to first base. But what good is first base? I don't even know who is up to bat next. I don't know if there is anyone else on base. I don't know how many outs there are or what inning were in! Frankly I don't even know what game I'm playing. Maybe the game I'm playing involves hitting each other in the head and I just didn't know it. Maybe I shouldn't be crying foul play! Can I really embrace tension when the tension is causing me such pain? Can I really love people that I no longer like? How many times must I forgive 77 times or 70X7 times? Either way, part of me wants to keep score! Well ... as you can see, I have got issues! Someday I will look back on these days -- I hope -- and have some sense of what happened and why. What is God doing with, to, for, through, in, without, ... me right now? What am I supposed to be doing or not doing? Do I really trust God to help me "live in the tension." Wouldn't life be easier right now if we could just play nice ...

On a separate note: Happy Birthday to my one and only little sister! 32! Wow we are getting old!